It's been a helluva long time since I've been on here. I've been extremely "busy" with life and lack thereof.
UPDATES:
The Kids - The babies are no longer babies, they are 2 years old and in pull ups. Please ignore that loud ripping sound in the background it's only my heart. This is a bitter sweet phase of childhood right now. They are 100% no longer babies which is nice in the fact that we are potty training (NO MORE DIAPERS SOON HUURAAAAH!!!!) but I no longer have the tiny cute babies to hold and cuddle and say awww look at the widdle baby! And I never again will have a little baby. As most of you know after having my second set of twins (which was my third pregnancy of twins)I got my tubes tied while I was under the kinife to pull out the second set. I understand my decision at the time and I agree with it, but I do also regret it. This is huge. I don't regret anything in my life because the choices that I have made in my life have lead me to where I am today, not too shabby if I say so myself. But completely cutting out the option to possibly get preggo again is a bit harsh on a females psyche. I regret it and I think I will regret it to the day I die. oh wait this is supposed to be about the kids lol lets get back on track. The older ones will be 4 in less than a month. LESS THAN A MONTH!!!! OMG... They have been pre-registered for prek. We are STILL potty training them. (SHOOT ME NOW) Craig is taking off on friday and c ome hell or high water those two are finishing their potty training this weekend I swear to god I will not leave this weekend unless they are in bed or they are finished being potty trained! Then next weekend is a long holiday weekend and Craig has off again so the babies will be fully potty trained then. That is the goal. That is what will happen (and if it doesn't it doesn't but at least I have a goal and a plan)
The Hubs - The hubs is the hubs. That is all.
Me - I'm ok. I'm overwhelmed with housework. It's never ending and when having 4 toddlers in the house, it's nearly impossible to keep food off of the floor and now it's ANT season. *heavy sighs* I"m combatting ants with 4 toddlers. With no help. Who is doing all the cleaning? Me. Who is doing the laundry? Me. Who is picking up the toys? Me. Who is vaccuuming? Me. Who is cleaning the bathrooms? Me. Who is doing the sweeping? Me. Who is going to mop? Me. Who is going to scrub the walls? Me. Who is going to clean all the bedrooms? Me. Who is going insane? Me. *breaks into hysterical crying fit of rage* Evidently I've been spiralling into a depression. And close ones have brought it to my attention that I need help. Professional help. And on one hand I agree with them. Yet on the other hand I wanna say "you don't KNOW what it's like. You don't know what it's like to have 4 toddlers close in age and you are the only one there throughout the day day in and day out, you don't know what it's like to try to keep up with the housework, you don't know what it's like to be married to a person who doesn't talk (about ANYTHING) you don't realize that me venting or running away on various nights to hang out with "you" (being the few people that I run to hang out with) is how I'm dealing with the stress of having the two sets of twins who take everything I do and ruin it, the stress of being in a relationship where my partner starves me of communication, the stress of the day in and day out responsibilities that I took on 4 years ago." Yes I need help. I NEED my kids to be potty trained and to pick up their toys, I NEED to not be the only one cleaning, I NEED communications more than "How was your day" small talk in my life, I NEED a vacation from the bullshit. And now it just seems like I'm whining about my life.
I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my family, and I love my friends. I'm just done sometimes. I need to be lulled. I need some calm, soothing. It's not me losing control, I'm very much in control. I just need the bullshit to stop. So to ease the minds of my friends and family I've made an appointment to speak to someone. (we will see how that goes, because it has been so VERY helpful in the past *note the sarcasm*)
Well I'm off to vaccuum the friggin living room because hey no one else will do it so might as well be me.
So call me stupid BUT I've never used the word lull nor can I think of a time someone used it around me. That is now my new word for the rest of this day haha. Mrs. Kim taught me a new word :) I hope your days get better my dear.
ReplyDeleteLOL yeah it's not a very used word, and I've only seen it in books like " the lull in the storm" or whatever it was when I read it in my youth. LOL I've never really used it in conversation. I LOVE WORDS OF THE DAY!!!! Pee Wee Herman's Play House, have everyone scream excitedly when you or anyone there uses the word lull! I think I'd pee myself laughing so hard if I saw that! Thanks for the hope that my day gets better. We shall see.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
ReplyDeleteWow Kim - I don't know what to say! I'm going to pray for you. Bearing the majority of child-rearing and all that goes with it PLUS doing all of the housework is completely overwhelming. I know I would respond the same way in your situation. In fact, I DO respond the same way you do when things get out of control. But my husband isn't afraid of housework and will help dig me out of the chaos when I need it. Call me if you want to chat or go out!!
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as not getting to hold any more babies, maybe one day you will be the perfect foster mom or adoptive mom to little babies ;) When my days of pregnancy are over, that's what I'm going to pick up.
HUGS*